THE SURRENDERING

 

THE SURRENDERING

HAVING TO SURRENDER TO TRUTHS,

BITTER AND UNYIELDING,

TRUTHS TOO STARK TO MASK WITH SMILES,

TOO HEAVY TO DRESS UP IN SMALL TALK

AT DINNER PARTIES WHERE WINE FLOWS,

OR SOCIALITE GATHERINGS WHERE LAUGHTER RINGS HOLLOW.

NO CLEVER DISGUISE CAN SOFTEN THEIR EDGE,

NO PRETENSE CAN FOOL THE MIRROR OF OUR EYES—

WE CANNOT DECEIVE OURSELVES,

LET ALONE THE WATCHFUL WORLD BEYOND.  

RELEASING YOU,

FROM THE TENDER PRISON OF MY HANDS,

MY CUPPED PALMS UNFURLING SLOWLY,

LIKE A FINAL ACT OF GRACE.

YOU, A BUTTERFLY, DELICATE AND BRILLIANT,

I PUSH YOU GENTLY INTO THE OPEN SKY,

GRANTING YOU THE FREEDOM TO UNFOLD—

WINGS OF POTENTIAL, VIBRANT AND VAST,

WINGS OF INTELLECT, SHARP AND SOARING.

FLY, AS YOU WERE MEANT TO,

CATCHING THE WILD, UNPREDICTABLE CURRENTS,

COASTING THROUGH THE WINDS OF CHANCE,

RIDING GUSTS I CANNOT FOLLOW,

A DANCE OF LIBERTY I BOTH GIFT AND GRIEVE.  

MISSING YOU CUTS DEEPER THAN I KNEW,

A SILENCE SO PROFOUND IT HAUNTS,

EERIE AS A ROOM WHERE SOUND HAS DIED,

AS IF LONELINESS ITSELF BEATS AUDIBLY—

A PULSE THAT ECHOES IN THE VOID YOU LEFT.

I CANNOT GROW ACCUSTOMED TO THIS EMPTINESS,

THIS ABSENCE THAT LINGERS ON OPPOSING PILLOWS,

WHERE YOUR SHAPE ONCE RESTED, WARM AND REAL.

IN THE WAKE OF YOUR SEASON OF GONE,

THE QUIET IS A WEIGHT I CANNOT LIFT,

A SHADOW THAT STRETCHES ACROSS MY DAYS.  

WORSE STILL, MY MIND BETRAYS ME,

WANDERING UNDISCIPLINED THROUGH TIME,

TRACING PATHS OF MEMORY LIKE WORN TRAILS—

YOUR LAUGH, YOUR TOUCH, YOUR QUIET BREATH—

AND DAYDREAMS I WOVE WITH FERVENT HOPE,

VISIONS I YEARNED TO BREATHE INTO BEING.

THESE PHANTOMS OF WHAT MIGHT HAVE BEEN,

I CLING TO THEM FIERCELY,

WITH ALL THE DEFIANCE OF A WOUNDED HEART,

WITH EVERY OUNCE OF STRENGTH I CAN SUMMON.  

THEY ARE MY CHILDHOOD BLANKET,

THREADBARE YET SACRED,

A COMFORT I WRAP AROUND MYSELF TIGHTLY,

UNWILLING—UNABLE—TO LET GO.

I AM NOWHERE NEAR READY TO PART WITH THEM,

TO OUTGROW THIS NEED THAT ANCHORS ME,

TO SURRENDER THE LAST FRAGMENTS OF YOU

TO THE RELENTLESS MARCH OF TIME.

FOR IN THESE TATTERED DREAMS, YOU LIVE STILL,

AND I HOLD YOU CLOSE,

DEFIANT AGAINST THE TRUTH THAT SETS YOU FREE.